As I grow older, my Mom and I seem to grow closer. As we grow closer, we seem to bump heads more and more. Does that make sense? The reason we bump heads? As much as I hate to admit it, we are much too much alike. The things we argue about are the same things over and over but believe me it's all out of love. Just wanted to drop in and pay a little homage to my Mom...as a matter of fact, last night, we argued until she hung up on me...she then called back to say "I love you!" and then hung up again. Gotta love her...
Sometimes, I can sit and think for hours. Last night from about 1-4:30am is a great example of "sometimes". Understand, me and the fetus are ok different sleeping schedules already. I crash after I make dinner and spend a little time with my family and sleep like the dead until he wakes me up. So, at about 1am, he did just that...and I was awake...forever...
I talk about it allll the time--the way my life took such a big turn. One day, I was the quintessential party girl who was nowhere near tired of being a rolling stone. I would hop on a plane headed to anywhere after giving I a few minutes of thoughts...everyone was my friend and the world was my oyster. SWITCH. Turn to me becoming a single Mom when I was 28 with someone that I still don't understand what I have in common. With that birth came tears, and struggle, and bitter feelings that shook my shiny world like a snow globe. SWITCH. To me meeting MY Prince Charming, saying "I do!", having 2 more kids and taking on his pre-existing two. Fast-forward to today--35 years old, having my last(I think!) baby, and living the life as Mommy.
Without a doubt, the last 8 years have been crazy...sometimes horrible crazy but often deliriously happy crazy. I love my life but sometimes....sometimes, I feel like I was dropped onto a couch in the middle of my current life from the clutches of a strange bird. Sometimes, I can't help but to gaze around and think "whoah...". When it was me, living my life day to day and throwing all caution to the wind, the only person I had to consider was me. What did I want? How did I want to feel? What did I want the outcome to be? Now, I have all these little people (and one big one) to think for. They see me as the brains of their operation, their leader. They see me as a hero who goes to work, reads stories while wearing the coordinating character costume, and bakes cookies--all in the same day. They don't doubt my actions--ever. They simply praise them and call me the Queen of Everything! If only I felt that way....
No one tells you how to be a good wife or a great Mom...often, you don't get and criticism or feedback...you just feel your way along.
What am I trying to say? Hmmmm... I wish I knew. It's probably just hormones making me feel all of my 35 long years. Or is it?
Good day--it's me and I'm back for good. I've missed everyone so much but am feeling so much better after some well-deserves rest. We have so much to talk about! Whereshall we start?