A Mile a Minute: The World of Mrs. Saditty

Bad Mom Dot Com

After two glasses of plum sake, I left Mr S and his friends in front of the TV, watching the LSU game to come and lay down. I was feeling QUITE warm and fuzzy when the bedroom door flew open. Itty Bitty Saditty marched in and shoved her tiny baby carrier at me. She then removed a plastic shopping bag full of diapers and threw them on my bed. She wagged her finger at me and said a few things that I didn't understand but the last two words were as clear as a crystal bell--BABY SIT! I lay there in shock as she turned and ran out the door. As an afterthought, she came back and slammed it shut, leaving me with a crying baby. Blame it on the sake but I began to yell about calling CPS. Soon, Mr Saditty came and calmly removed the baby's "C" batteries and said something about his friends thinking his wife was looney. He then took the batteries, slammed them down on the nightstand and walked out, slamming the door. Tell me, I do not consider myself to be a trifling Mom so is there any hope for Itty Bitty and her bad parenting skills? 

Murder Was The Case

Friday night, MrsS stepped out to Haooy Hour with some co-workers *a luxury since I became a wife and Mommy*. When I returned home at about 8:30, the two oldest boys met me at the door saying that there had been an "incident" In the hallway, I ran into Biggest and Middle Saditty who shook their heads and pointed towards my bedroom. I approached the bedroom and in the corner with her back to me sat Itty Bitty Saditty, brooding in Time Out. I asked MrSaditty to enlighten me. It all started when Middle and Biggest went to get our two oldest to tell them that Itty Bitty was disturbing their viewing of WonderPets by making very loud noises. When the four of them returned to the Baby Bedroom, Itty Bitty was no where to be found. They finally located her in the back bathroom, closing the shower curtain and hiding something behind her back. They quietly tracked her into the kitche and observed her quickly stuffing something into the trashcan. This is what was recovered. Apparently, she was whacked against the door jam until decapatation occured. Itty Bitty and this chick had a rocky relationship ever since the day Uncle M pulled her out of a ToysRUs bag. Personally, I never liked the chick (she couldn't decide if she was a baby or a grown woman, walking into my house with Shades, Stilettos, detachable afropuffs, and a THONG DIAPER) but she did not deserve this kind of death. The nature of the crime shocked me however I was not shocked by the criminal. Itty Bitty is a tad bit diabolical and sadistic but me and the Carmelite Nuns shall be working on that behavior shortly.

***Warning, the following scene may cause a disturbing feeling to immature viewers****

Exhibits A & B

Yeah...he said it

Today, I was forced to take the itty bitty Saditty's into the grocery store with me. I was tired and had taken off all my makeup and changed into sweats. Well, I was happy that they decided to behave (they must've sensed my mood). As we walked out the store, we passed a Coca-Cola machine. The biggest Saditty (a grown 6 year old) said, "Mommy, that Coke is black. Black like under Mommy's eyes!"

...nothing like kids to boost your self esteem...